.

Em dias que eu me sinto mais introspectiva, você habita a minha mente. 

É como se todos os meus pensamentos me levassem a você, a nós. 

A imagem de nós dois se repete num looping quase poético, e a eu me lembro do tom da sua voz quando você me chamou de "meu amor" pela primeira vez. Do tom da sua voz quando você fala sério. Do tom da sua voz quando você fala sério comigo. 

Nesses dias, a ideia de nós dois se torna quase irresistível. Nesses dias, eu faria qualquer loucura por você. 

.

You went away and you took everything and some more. 

Now, when I think about all those dreams of happily ever after, I just don't see how it fits me. Not anymore. 

When you left, you took this little part of me that believed in magic and fairytales. 

I guess it's for the greater good, but no one, no one before you could do this. 

I was unbreakable before you. 

And, still, you left with this little part of me. 

The worst part, the terrible part, 

The part I can't seem to admit even for myself,

Is that I don't know if I miss this litte piece of me you took. 

It's all so much clearer right now.

.

Eu fecho meus olhos, e eu sinto a sua boca percorrendo meu corpo. 

Provando cada trecho, os relevos, os declives, o centro de mim. 

Eu sinto o seu corpo conduzindo o meu, suas mãos traçando um mapa mental de onde você precisa tocar. Registrando onde me faz gemer mais alto. Gravando quais movimentos da sua boca me fazem perder o fôlego. Memorizando exatamente como e onde eu preciso te sentir. 

Eu sinto o calor do seu corpo no meu, sinto seus dedos em mim, sua boca, te sinto inteiro em mim, e é o paraíso. 

Então, eu abro os olhos. E existe um infinito entre nós dois. 

.

I look around for some comfort 

But there's none to be found

I can't talk freely to anyone 

I can't run away from these demons

I can't hide from my feelings

And, still, I know I shouldn't feel like I do

I'm so confused, I feel so betrayed

I know I shoudn't feel like so

But I can't help this feeling of

Being naked under your stare

Being analysed in every way 

All my mistakes displayed in a masterpiece

Only for your judment

All I can do is... 

Nothing. 

.

He hated you so much 

And he didn't even know you.

I think that, if he did,

He would love you as much as I do.

.

I feel adrift 

Existing all alone 

Surrounded by nothing but sea and sky 

Floating as the moon and the sun take turns 

Sharing my loneliness 

Shining on my loneliness 

I feel adrift 

And as the life guard boat aproaches 

All i feel is fear 

Fear of being surrounded by people 

And, still, feel so comple and uterly alone 

That the presence of anyone else would be too much 

I fear i cant live with the noise 

I fear i cant hide my sad face 

I fear they cant hide their disaprovement, too 

And i fear this would bring us further apart 

I feel adrift 

And for the first time in a long time

Thats just how i wanted things to stay

.

Quantos amores um coração pode guardar? 

.

 Eu me sinto suspensa no tempo. 

Presa em algum lugar entre o que foi e o que será, 

Aguardando, aguardando... 

A luz do Sol enche os cômodos, 

Varre a rua lá fora, 

Mas aqui dentro, há um zumbido parecido com frio. 

E eu me permito estar, 

Suspensa no tempo, 

Congelada entre um momento e outro, 

Sem saber o que está à frente, 

Sem querer olhar o que ficou para trás

(meus fantasmas são imensos).

Então, eu flutuo. 

.

 He hid a gun in our home. 

I think it's funny because 

He did it in the literal and 

In the figurative way. 

He hid a gun in our bed.

And that makes me so sad

That I just didn't though of it.

I couldn't foresee it. 

Now, I lay here, thinking about 

The imense danger, 

The omnious sign it was

I sit here, thinking about the fact that, 

In some ways, 

He used that gun on me. 

I'm broken hearted as I can be. 

Shot in the heart. 

Our love is dead.

.

I'll make my body a sacred altar

For you to worship every single piece

That makes me beautiful

Every single flaw 

Every small freckle

The scars 

The fears 

Holy to you

As your lips spread prayers over my skin

Sinking your love into my bones

.

to my sister

the other half of my soul 

my sunshine 

there's no pouring rain

that will ever take me away from you 

i miss you

i will not have it anymore

.

show me how good it gets. 

.

I want to breathe free. 

You just reminded me that I can. 

And so I will. 

.

I want to never be tamed again

I wanna roar in my pride and my will 

I wanna make the floor rumble with my rage 

I wanna write poems about my passion 

My fury 

My rage 

I wanna know exactly how I want it 

.

You don't even know 

But you love saved me

More than once

I'm glad it was you.

.

 Eu quero estar na beira da praia 

Num dia nublado 

O vento tão forte, tão forte no meu rosto 

Eu quero sentar com os pés na areia, 

A água batendo nas pontas dos dedos

O som das ondas tão alto nos meus ouvidos…

Eu quero respirar e sentir que eu existo.

.

 Goddess, please, 

make this love die in me. 

Make this pain go away.

I'm so tired of missing what's not mine. 

.

It was always supposed to be us. 

You and me.

From the first look, the first touch, the first words you spoke to me. 

It was meant to be. 

It was supposed to be us. 

.

 Love, 

I can't do it no more. 

There's nothing left. 

.

I feel like the more I write 

The less I hurt 

It's like the blue ink of the pen took it all from me

It took all the pain

It smeared all my fears and all my anger 

In neat little letters 

Straight little lines

 

Yellow little pages filled with all that cannot live in my heart 

Not anymore 

In theses beautiful little pages 

In the silence of this pen and this ink 

All my demons can scream free 

.

Scratch scratch 

I feel it 

When you try to get out of my heart

Out of the chest that I've put you in

So locked up

So hidden 

All mine 

A love no one would ever see 

No one would ever know 

Just you and me 

But you're trying so hard to get out 

To leave me 

To lose me 

To be free from me 

I just wish I could let you go 

I wish that you'd let me go as well 

I can't breathe in the cold cage that's your heart.

.

 I love to pour all of my heart and pain in these pages. 

It takes such a heavy burden out of my chest.

It makes me feel seen.

Makes my rage feel shared with ghosts of us, you and me. 

All of the versions that made me this dreadful mess. 

I feel lighter after I pour it all out and scream into these pages. 

I feel like I could say anything, like I could say nothing, and that would be enough.

.

 once upon a time

there were a woman 

so mad in love, 

her ravenous heart took it all 

her gentle hands tried to hold on to everything 

but she couldn't

she was just one 

with just two gentle little hands 

clumsy enough to let it all fall 

let it all break. 

she took it all 

she was left with nothing

because she took so much more 

than she could hold

poor woman

blind with vicious love

savage with need 

left all alone 

in a dark cloudy cold night 

all the pieces of the love she held 

beautifuly exposed on the floor 

there was nothing more to hold on to 

.

 when I close my eyes, 

all I see is you, 

us.

that's heaven. 

.

 the Godess says: 

(re)connect with yourself

love yourself

She says, and i hear it 

i must love myself 

but how can i do so

if all my love belongs to You?

.

 Oh, love, 

Did you give our song to her?

Did she like it?

Did she love it? 

Did she mark it on her skin?

In her heart? 

Did she listen to it on repeat and think of us? 

Did you? 

I know you did. 

I know she loved it. 

Just like I did.

.

 There are some days that words just come out from my fingers as if I don't write, I'd drown. 

There are some days that I lose myself in the silence that echoes in my mind, fighting to find any words that will translate what I'm feeling. 

There are days that, no matter how many verses I write, nothing seems better at the end. 

Today is a day like this, I'm so confused in the words rambling at the point of my fingers, trying to make any sense, but there's none to find. 

I just lost control. Just like I lost myself. And I don't even know how to get them back. 

.

 Where should I go?

Who should I call for?

When should I leave?

Is it too late? 

Is it too soon?

Will it make any difference now? 

Why I can't feel ok? 

Why can't I fucking make it stop? 

Wish I could just stop. 

I miss me. 

.

his love broke me 

his love cured me 

his love saved me 

his love made me sane

his love bruised me 

his love caged me 

his love was lost forever 

just as i predicted somewhere in the road: 

now, we're just a lost myth of true love. 

.

 poor little sad lonely girl 

with no one to hold her 

no one to care for her 

no one, but herself 

poor little broken strange creature

with eyes all over her 

witnessing every single move 

every single mistake 

poor little misunderstood weird being 

so lost with no light to guide her 

with no path to cross 

no finish line waiting for her 

just memories

just sorrow

just loneliness

.

 we're statues in my mind 

memories of a beautiful time 

trapped to be just that 

a beautiful memory

oh, but it's so heavy 

so heavy to admire you from afar 

so heavy to love you in the distance 

i'm stone cold with memories and loss

and all i wanted was to be there 

in that memory in your arms 

looking into your eyes 

crying as you loved me 

loved me more than i could ever dream of 

looking into your eyes 

and seeing my future in them 

in you 

i can't stop looking at this masterpiece

even though it breaks my heart

.

 love,

i miss you so much

i wish you knew

i wish i could tell you

but i promissed to stay away 

and that's for the best 

the best for you and me 

but, anyway, i miss you so much

.

 i have love for all of my versions so far 

all the love i hold in my heart

all the love that keeps me sane 

but for this verson of now... 

well, all i have for her is pitty 

and i pitty her so much

.

 em algum lugar por aí

existem duas caixas 

uma contendo meu amor 

outra contendo o seu 

há muito, eu sonhava em reunir o conteúdo delas 

numa só caixa, que carregaria nós 

e contaria história para quem quisesse ver

agora, minha caixa está no lixo

todas as lembranças de você, em outro lugar 

como pode, então,

você continuar na minha mente? 

.

 little miss sunshine,

she's always smiling 

always happy, she gives the best hugs 

she believes in good in love

she's so sweet and innocent 

i love the idea of her 

.

 our songs play in the background 

i'm taken back to when it was just us 

sometimes i wish it was you 

.

sometimes i miss that sweet boy 

who wanted to be a superhero 

who saved my day, everyday 

now i don't even know him anymore

living in a twisted reality where 

that sweet gentle boy is a villain 

and a bad villain, which is even worst 

dear mom,

 it feels like i'm never good enough for you

(although i do see times when it feels like you love me) 

still, even when you love me, it seems i lack something that would make you think i'm enough

all my choices seem wrong to you 

all the paths i take lead me away from you.

the way you feel about me is becoming such a burden,

and i'm starting to think i'll never be enough for anyone else... 

it feels like they only like me, 'cause they don't know me the way you do 

is just like daddy would always say about me: 

"beautiful on the outside, rotten inside"

i feel like you've seen the rot in me, and nothing i do will make you unsee that 

or see something good beyond that 

mom, i feel so lonely in this thoughts... 

.

 É meio da noite. Lábios doces tomando os meus, ávidos, ansiosos e famintos em cada avançar da língua na minha boca, como que para conhecer cada pedaço meu. Tão forte que me toma o fôlego. Tão intenso que machuca os meus lábios, espalhando uma vermelhidão pela boca e queixo. As mãos ásperas me tomam com urgência, tão exigentes quanto a boca quente que invade a minha, e os dedos se enroscam nos fios negros do meu cabelo como uma rédea, uma forma de me conduzir a sempre encontrar sua língua no lugar certo. A respiração parece supérflua na exigência desse beijo, e eu me rendo num arfar angustiado, deixando que os lábios me consumam, que a paixão dele me tome por inteiro, apagando qualquer traço de quem eu fui um dia. 

.

 você tirou de mim

a única parte sua

que eu ainda tinha

é como se a história

tivesse finalmente acabado

assim

por que ainda dói, 

então? 

.

 gostaria de poder voltar, mas a verdade é que nada aqui faz sentido sem você, 

e eu sei que existem um milhão de fatores que impedem você de estar comigo,

e vice-versa... mas eu sinto tanto a sua falta! 

parte de mim cruzaria o país só pra te ver

e eu tenho resistido ao impulso de só pegar o carro e ir...

te avisar no meio do caminho 

largar tudo e só... só ver onde a gente pode chegar

mas faz muito tempo, e eu não sei nem onde você está agora

ainda assim, eu sonho com você, com a gente

passou muito tempo, e tudo em mim mudou também 

tanta coisa aconteceu, tantas coisas (e pessoas) estão envolvidas 

mas eu sinto a sua falta 

gosto de pensar que, numa realidade paralela, 

nós estamos juntos

que alguma versão de mim

vai ser feliz pra sempre

com alguma versão sua 

.

 i like to close my eyes and picture you 

in that last picture you send me 

your figure so tall 

your serious eyes 

broad shouders 

and that thighs...

i often think about being in 

between those thighs 

loving every inch of you 

licking every part that 

could've belong to me 

when i'm done

you're all over me 

.

 my dearest, 

sometimes i dream about you 

i wake up to find the empty space you left in me 

in days like these i spend my mornings 

daydreaming about what could have been 

listening to our songs and 

thanking any god or destiny 

that brought you to my life

'cause even though it wasn't forever

you changed my life, my heart, my mind 

you changed everything

and i'm glad you did 

i'm glad you did

.

i remember when i was a kid 

i used to carry with me a little notebook 

so i could write down every single 

poem, song or rhyme 

that came into my mind  

it would be something about 

birds bees and flowers 

dogs and beach and summer 

a colorful life playing in the 

background of that little mind 

my dad was so proud 

"she can rhyme like no one else!"

he used to say to everyone,

he even wrote about it one day 

(i still have the letter) 

but i don't have any of 

those little notebooks to look back

i never treasured them 

guess that, at some point, 

poetry and rhymes just went away 

now they're back 

well, i can't rhyme no more 

but i sure do like to carry 

my little notebook

wandering around to write about 

love and lost and pain

the beautiful and the ugly and the broken

write about anything that comes to my mind 

but also to write about me

this time, i wanna remember

how i feel

how it felt 

how i'm healing 

and how broken i'm 

write it all down - so i can treasure this

.

 My words are 

all I have 

left of me. 

.

 My love,

My love, 

My love,

Those are whispers in the dark

As my soul search for yours

Just to find endless silence

I try it again, 

But there's no image of you

In my mind, in this cold mess I've made

There are just my words

Hanging in the moist air of the night

Waiting in the cold sheets, cold feet,

No peace

And a sour feeling that we'll never meet again.

.

 Querida Juju do passado,

Essa é uma carta aberta a você, que sentiu esses sentimentos de uma forma tão pura. 

Que acreditou em tantas fantasias e sonhos e possibilidades.

Que via um mundo melhor em toda oportunidade e que queria se envolver e fazer a diferença. 

Você, que amou de uma forma tão crua, tão dolorida, tão incondicional e sem limites (de uma forma que hoje eu não sei mais amar). 

Você, que se transformou em mim. 

Eu, que hoje sou nós. 

É difícil achar sua intensidade e determinação nessa pessoa que somos agora. 

Em partes, acho que é bom. Você é mais contida e sofre dores menos avassaladoras. 

Nós sonhamos de modo mais contido também. Um passo de cada vez, avaliando o terreno para saber se é seguro prosseguir. 

Mas eu sinto falta da sua avidez em mim. 

Sinto falta das cores que só você via, mas acho que agora a adultez me fez cega para elas. 

Sinto falta da sua capacidade de crer e amar sem restrições. Sem medo.

Mas amo que agora nós sabemos nos priorizar e nos defender. 

Nenhum amor mais te mata, Juju. Eles doem, mas nós sabemos que vamos sair vivas do outro lado. 

Há luz, há razão, há uma calma fria que eu não sei se é insensibilidade ou se é só o peso de ser gente grande, o peso de todas as coisas que aconteceram e foram feitas conosco. 

Há esse amor que eu sinto por você. Essa admiração e vontade de fazer com que você ainda sinta orgulho de mim. 

Sinto dizer que não tenho certeza de que você me acharia legal. 

(Talvez você não me ache nem bonita, pra falar a verdade, já que eu não sou nenhum padrão do que você imaginou pra si mesma)

Mas eu queria dizer que acho você uma garota linda. E que eu admiro seus sentimentos, como você se expressa, a sua dor e como você direciona ela pros seus sonhos. 

Você é uma menina linda, Juju. 

Prometo tentar fazer melhor por você. 

.

 I wonder if you can read me

More than my body

If you can read between 

The lines of my smiles

The lines of my shitty poems and dreams

If you can touch me

Deep down 

And still think I'm pretty

Would you still think I'm worth it?

Would you not? 

I wonder...

.

 Nunca imaginei sentir alguém 

Tão perto e, ao mesmo tempo,

Tão longe

Nossos olhares se cruzaram 

Numa via qualquer de tantas 

E seguimos nossas vidas 

Meu coração doeu 

Acho que o dele também 

E a sensatez venceu 

Ninguém falou sobre

Nenhum conto ou música foi escrito sobre 

Mas eu escrevi um poema 

Sem rimas, sem graça

Pra dizer que eu senti

Eu estava lá

.

 Witches and werewolfs

Waiting in the dark

Every shadow is a ghost

Ready to tear my heart apart

I'm all alone in this place

Where the moon never light up

I'm all alone in this pace 

Waiting for the end to come

.

 Honey,

My heart don't know what to do

I wish that I never hurted you

Wish time was perfect in all aspects

Wish distance never existed

Not for us

Not when you're so close

That I can touch you in your sleep

Honey,

My heart is a mess,

Wish you'd tell me how to fix it

Wish you didn't mess it up

Wish we could just make it right

Sorry that I'm the one to blame 

Again and over again

Sorry that I blame it on you

.

 A drop fell from the sky

Dark clouds telling that it was 

The first droplet of a big storm

The ocean stood still

The little drop falling to find

A sea that couldn't be bothered

For it kept it's most valuable

Secrets and treasures

So deep down in it's heart

That no rain, no storm, no torment

Could ever make it change