.

I like to draw perfect straight lines.

Little boxes, neat little strokes of the pen —

The perfect storage space for my thoughts.

No matter how scattered, sparse, or senseless they seem,

They'll always fit inside the lines of the boxes I've drawn.

And, oh, I do draw them — everywhere —

Whenever my mind races faster than I can keep up.

One, two, ten... as many as necessary to keep my thoughts organized,

Contained, tamed,

Tucked away in quiet corners of paper,

So they won’t spill into the rest of me.

When life feels like it's just too much,

I just grab some paper and a pen.

And even if I can’t find the words perform how I’m feeling,

I can always draw a perfect straight line —

And then another, and a few more.

The box is always there,

Wherever I can draw it.

.

nós nos amamos com a violência do primeiro amor

éramos vorazes, incansáveis, desafiadores. famintos... 

como se o mundo fosse se dissolver entre nossos lábios caso não nos beijássemos o suficiente, 

como se o ar fosse nos faltar caso não estivéssemos próximos o bastante, por tempo o bastante 

a distância doía fisicamente, a saudade falava mais alto que qualquer barreira 

nós nos amamos com tudo o que tínhamos, 

entregues viciosamente, sem medos, despencamos juntos num precipício que nos levou...

a lugar algum. 

pois o nosso amor consumiu todo o resto, 

engolfando em chamas poderosas a verdade de quem éramos - de quem somos

cobrindo nossos olhos e ouvidos com mãos ansiosas, desesperadas para que continuássemos juntos 

nosso amor virou cinzas

e o meu coração se desmanchou em pó 

.

Dear future me,
I hope you’re doing better than I am at this moment.
I hope you’re at peace with our past,
That you're no longer haunted by projections, as I am.

I hope you've learned to speak gently to yourself,
To forgive yourself for the things you didn’t know,
For the times you stayed too long, or left too soon.

I hope you've stopped shrinking to fit spaces that were never meant for you,
And learned to leave when you're hurt and they don’t care.

And I hope — truly — that love feels safe now.
I hope you feel cherished and taken care of,
That love feels as free as it once was, and how it should have always been.

I hope you have friends — good and loyal ones,
Always someone to go places with you, even just to pass the time.

I hope you've learned to rest,
Not just sleep — but really rest.
The kind of rest that comes from knowing you don’t have to prove your worth all the time,
And that you no longer have to put down all the fires in the world.
I hope you have help and that, with this help, you’ll build somewhere safe for your dreams and hopes and craziest desires.

I hope you've let go of the need to be understood by everyone.
Some people just won't get it — and that's okay.

I hope you no longer beg to be heard or chosen.
I hope you’re so sure of where you belong and what you deserve,
And settle for no less than this.

I hope you've learned to choose peace over proving a point.

And I hope, above all, that you’ve made a home inside yourself.
A soft place to land, even when the world feels loud.

I hope you love yourself, even when it seems the world doesn’t.
I hope you know that, from right here, I’m cheering for you.
I believe and trust you.
I’m doing my best to become you.

.

Sinto a sua falta.

Então eu ouço nossos áudios,
Penso nos momentos bons — e naqueles nem tão bons assim,
Mas que a gente sempre resolvia com jeitinho.

Sinto a sua falta.
Então eu olho nossas fotos,
Vejo nossos vídeos,
Releio as conversas e as cartas de amor que sobraram,
Reviro os livros atrás de uma dedicatória esquecida,
Uma flor prensada entre as folhas pesadas…

Eu sinto tanto a sua falta.
Mesmo nos momentos não tão confortáveis,
Como quando a gente dividia a cama de solteiro,
Ou fazia um acampamento no quarto apertado,
Quando fazíamos amor com um filme de ação de fundo,
Pros seus pais não ouvirem.

Penso nas vezes em que saímos pra caçar o pôr do sol,
Pra jantar, pra pegar estrada sem motivo…
Penso nas vezes em que você me sustentou quando achei que ia quebrar,
Nas vezes em que você foi o único lugar onde eu queria estar…

Sinto muito a sua falta.
Penso tanto em você…

Então, eu peço a qualquer Deus que atenda:
que você esteja feliz,
que você tenha aquilo que sonha e precisa,
que você se sinta em paz, e realizado.

Eu sinto muito a sua falta.
Então eu rezo daqui, pra que você esteja bem.
Pra que você seja amado — tão ou mais do que eu te amei.
Rezo pra que você esteja em paz.

E pra que, às vezes,
Nos dias em que você quiser perseguir o pôr do sol,
Você sinta um pouquinho de falta de mim também.

Nessas orações, nossas saudades se encontram,
E eu não me sinto mais tão vazia.

.

You're my oasis in a desert life,

The light in my every dark night.

You're the pulse of my heart,

As I plead, beg, and swear to be only yours.

You're the breath of life, every beat of my heart.

You're my wine, the answer to all of my prayers.

And you tease me, dancing on my lips, clouding my mind.

I'm drowning in your essence,

I live for the joy of your lingering taste in my mouth.

And I know I'm stranded somewhere between bliss and torment,

Yet, I remain entirely yours.

Since the first whisper of your touch,

I knew our lives were tied, 'cause I was meant to be yours.

You know I only bloom in your shadow, on your lips.

This love is both ruinous and redemptive

You save me every time you take me and love me.

You kill me every time you leave, and there's only me.

I'm on my knees now, adoring you, begging for you,

Drowning in your sweet taste, craving every piece of you

That should belong only to me.